So, I’ve decided that what I need in my life are Goals.
I am forty.
Every single solitary goal I ever made for myself, I accomplished.
Finish high school with honors. Check.
Go to college to get a teaching degree. Check.
Get my Masters and earn three certifications to make myself marketable. Check.
Teach in my home district. Check.
Get married young. Check.
Buy a house. Check.
Have children. Check, Check, and Check.
Earn enough money as a family to keep me home with the kids. Check.
Now, although I feel blessed to have been able to accomplish all the long-term goals I set myself in my late teens/early twenties, the fact of the matter is that I don’t know what I want to do next. Naturally, I want to raise my children and enjoy all that parenting still has to offer…and of course I want to maintain the family life we have built. But methinks I need some new goals. I suppose this is the mid-life (I’d like to think of it as EARLY mid-life) reevaluation that I’ve heard so much about. I refuse to call it a crisis for the word “crisis” conjurs up a vision of panic and danger, unhappiness. What I feel is more a contemplative moment at a crossroads…an opportunity for a change, a dive into the unknown, excitement, a chance to explore a different side of myself that I never explored because I have been focusing my energy on other pursuits.
I saw this on my friend Jai’s blog the other day…it was perfectly fitting, so I will steal it from him. 😉
I have no idea what that “something different” will be, or if I will come to the conclusion that what I have been is what I want to go back to, but at least I am ready to bring these ponderings out of the shadows and into the light of existence. Time to set some new long-term goals.
And completely off subject, but fitting under the title of this post…
I was looking through photos recently, attempting to update my photo wall, and putting together an album for my parents. I was surprised to note that there are so few photos of me. I guess many of us behind the camera don’t feel very comfortable in front of it. So, I figured it was about time to attempt a self-portrait. I decided my husband deserves a photo of me that doesn’t have feathered hair and and a neon green sweater. And my kids deserve better than the haggard hospital birth photos and harried vacation Mom photos they are stuck with presently. 🙂
Yikes! This was HAAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDDDDD!!!!! But, for better or worse, here it is.
This is Me.
And in black and white…
Will have to remember to hand the camera over now and then, or else I’ll have to paste this one photo of me into every family album I create! 🙂