A Phoenix Burning

Baby Steps

I’m making progress.  Agonizingly slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

My cane is my constant companion, but with it’s help I am able to:

Come downstairs in the morning by myself .

Go to the bathroom.

Take a shower.

Walk around the house and lift anything that weighs less than a half gallon of milk as long as it is not below my waist.

Household chores remain outside of my abilities.  I tried to empty the top rack of the dishwasher yesterday and only got through the first three glasses, realizing that the twisting and stretching to put the glasses in the cabinet was beyond me. 

I have moments of rationality and positivity where I think, it could always be worse.  Thank God this is (hopefully) mendable.

And then I have other moments of discouragement, when I cannot believe that something went *pft* so suddenly, leaving me incapable of caring for my children.  No rhyme or reason to it.  Just *pft*.  And when Zan says to me, “You just poured yourself a glass of milk?!  Doesn’t that make you happy?!”   It puts me in mind of one of my favorite movies of all time….”I can’t help my three year old get dressed in the morning, and pouring a little glass of milk is supposed to make me happy? Hmmm?” 

However, I believe God whispers, then speaks a little louder, and when we choose to ignore the signs, he knocks us over the head with a club to get our attention.  I am also reminded of our many blessings when things go awry…our family, our friends, and our neighbors have all come pouring out of the woodwork to help and we are humbled by the richness of love that surrounds us.  They are what I hope to be.

So with baby steps I’m coming along, and as my back heals, so does the order of my priorities.  Thanks to everyone for your prayers and good wishes.

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”    -C.S. Lewis


2 responses

  1. I LOVE that movie! So funny! It WILL get better, I promise! Celebrate the little victories. This is the time to let yourself heal. As women, we tend to put ourselves last so when we ignore all the little signs, thinking we are invincible, eventually it catches up. Cut yourself a little slack. I know it can be very frustrating, but you WILL make it through! Hugs! 🙂

    February 21, 2010 at 8:22 pm

  2. I’ll call Miracle Max for you. 🙂 Take it easy and let your back heal. I know, easier said than done.

    February 21, 2010 at 9:31 pm

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