A Phoenix Burning

Do Not Read This if You are Squeamish About Eye Things…or if You are About to Go to the Eye Doctor for an Exam…Trust Me, You Don’t Want to Know

Okay, so let me begin by saying that I am not some wussy girl.  I am pretty tough…I birthed three babies naturally and lived to tell the tale.  However, today almost saw me on the floor of the opthamologists exam room.  See this?

This is my eye, two hours after a dilation.  I have some glaucoma markers, so my optometrist wanted me to have a thorough exam to rule out any problems, and to get a baseline reading on my optic nerve.  “Will it be scary?”  I asked him.  “Nah!  No worse than you go through here.”  So, I expected easy.  I don’t like the sensation of having my eyes dilated, but I knew I could handle that.  But I do get a bit queasy at the thought of eye procedures in general, so I was a *bit* nervous…but he said it wouldn’t be scary, right?  WRONGO!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m sorry, but if having a computer stylus pushed into your frozen eyeball 6 times per side isn’t scary, then heck on a piece of toast, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!  “Just look straight ahead at the red dot on the chart.  I am going to measure the thickness of your cornea.”  “Oh, okay….but wait, I can’t see the red dot.  Let me put on my glasses.”  “No, you need your glasses off.  Just look in the direction of the chart then.”  “Hmm…okay.  Wait, what are you doing with that pen?  Wait!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!”  My cries went unanswered, and she proceeded to stick that damned thing in my eye!!!  Not once, but SIX TIMES!!!!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

The good news is that my eyes are perfectly healthy, although a bit abnormally structured.  It’s a good thing too, because I am never going back to that torture chamber again.  Nevermind that in hindsight (no pun intended) the procedure wasn’t really that bad…the idea of it is worse than the actual going through it.  But still…if God had wanted a pen poking into your eye, he would’ve put it there himself.  It’s just not natural.  *shudder*

Addendum:  Please see this follow-up post!


7 responses

  1. Okay, this reminds me of the reprogramming scene in A Clockwork Orange

    October 7, 2008 at 8:02 pm

  2. No foolin’!!!!

    October 7, 2008 at 11:00 pm

  3. karma

    I totally have an “eye” thing. Luckily I don’t need glasses or anything because I couldn’t even touch my own eye to put a contact in, and I couldn’t stomach even the idea of Lasik surgery. They start messing with eyeballs on a medical show or something, I can’t grab the remote quick enough.

    October 8, 2008 at 8:01 pm

  4. Wow! I could feel you shuddering way over here. That was some nasty procedure! But good to know you’re all better!

    October 9, 2008 at 12:04 am

  5. Thanks Rico! Glad to see you dropped by! I’m glad I found your blog yesterday…it’s always fun reading a man’s perspective on things like “decorating.” 🙂

    And Karma, definitely no Lasik for me either!!!! My doctor went into this whole explanation of why I should not consider Lasik, and I stopped him midway…NO WAY!!

    October 9, 2008 at 6:50 am

  6. schelf

    I had my right eye frozen when the retina detached after retina surgery. I get steroid injections into the eyeballs every six months or so. Oh and the frozen eyeball treatment didn’t work so a week after lying on my right side I got surgery again and a plastic band that squeezes the eyeball. You don’t want to hear what happened after my kidney stone.

    October 9, 2008 at 8:32 pm

  7. Oh-my-freaking-monkey-bones Schelf!!!!!! Do you WANT to see me turn into a blob and ooze to the floor?!!!! *deep*breathe*deep*breathe*


    Glad you stopped by…I think. 😉

    On a serious note, I’m sorry you had to go through such a thing…it must have been horrific! Makes a little cornea test seem like plucking daisies in the park.

    Somehow this reminds me of that scene in Lethal Weapon where they start trading wound stories trying to outdo each other. You tell me about kidney stones, you just might get some labor stories! Don’t say I didn’t warn you. *tee*hee*

    October 9, 2008 at 9:25 pm

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