What is the MATTER with Me?!
I’m so SAAAD!!!!!!! My girls are off to their first day of school, and I’m SO SAD!!! I have NEVER cried on the first day of school…not when they each went off to Kindergarten, not when I tough loved them to school through belly aches and other anxieties. I am not one to cry on their birthdays and lament the fact that “my babies are growing up.” I usually greet the first day of school with excitement for them, and a few little butterflies on their behalf, but I’ve never been SAD. Well today I’m SAD!!! I keep telling myself, “Come on Duba, pull yourself together!!!!” But I’m having a hard time…they’ll never know it.
Maybe it’s because Big Girl is no longer in elementary? She headed off to Middle School today. And she was scared. She was most nervous about the bus ride with the bigger kids. I could’ve caved…I wanted to cave and drive her, but we raise our kids to be independent and to trust themselves to handle uncomfortable situations and come out stronger for it. I didn’t cave, but sent her off on her three minute bus ride to school with a smile and a wave (no blowing kisses anymore for her, cause that would be embarrassing…) But I feel her nerves and wish I could wave my magic wand and take them away.
And of course, I second guess myself and torture myself with guilt. “Maybe I should’ve driven her this first day.” Shoulda coulda woulda’s…the bane of a mother’s existence.
Then Little Girl went off, swallowing down a tear, because she’s headed off to school for the first time without her big sister. “Maybe I should’ve driven her this first day too.” I feel her heartache, and wish again that I could wave my magic wand and take her sore misser away.
So maybe my tears are of regret more than anything. Maybe it’s because the reality that my babies are growing up just smacked me dead in the face today. Maybe my misser is a bit sore too. 😦
Now, I’ll pull myself together, run some errands, and bake some cookies so they have something yummy to come home to. And I will not do this tomorrow.