A Phoenix Burning

The Terror of the House

So, I think Mister Baby Boy is possessed.  My sweet darling boy has, almost instantly, become a holy terror.  The only logical explanation is demonic possession.  The evidence:

1.  He has learned to climb on the couches, and of course, not content to sit on said couches, he feels he must jump on them, flailing himself around laughing maniacally as he does so.  If I don’t reach him quickly enough, this child reaches for the cords from the blinds, which (as everyone knows) is a problem. 

2.  Even though all movable electronic equipment has been moved out of reach, Mister Baby Boy has discovered the ONE button in the living room that still can be pushed (besides Mommy’s that is)…the TV power button.  This child will go back to this button over and over and over and over ad nauseum.  Even the mini time out’s on Mommy’s lap do not discourage this power button pushing.  Let’s not forget the maniacal laugh that accompanies this behavior.

3.  My darling boy will wrap his sweet arms around my neck to hug me, then the demon makes him pinch the soft skin of my neck, digging his little vice like claws into my flesh.  He will sweetly rub my arms, only to grab them suddenly, pinching them and leaving behind scratch marks.  I look like I own a mean cat.  Instead, I own a mean toddler.

4.  My dear sweet demon possessed child uses his teeth to attempt to get what he wants.  He has taken to biting anything and everything in his sight when he does not get what he wants.  He will yell and start gnashing his tiny razor teeth toward the closest flesh available.  If nice, juicy flesh is not available, a nearby piece of furniture or toy will be substituted. 

5.  Mister has begun to fight naps.  Refusal of naps will not be tolerated.

6.  He runs toward the most dangerous spots in the house, the second he is free from his gates.  The stairs, the toilet, the oven, call to the demon within, tempting him into danger.  Once he knows I am in pursuit, he laughs his maniacal laugh and runs all the faster toward his goal.

I am not a new Mom, as you know.  I have done this toddler thing before…twice.  I taught for 13 years, and was known as the behavioral guru within the district.  This child is bringing to my knees!  My KNEES I say!!!

Zan reminded me that he has always been this way…intent on getting to everything he shouldn’t.  Until now he’s been limited by lack of mobility.  NOT anymore!  And so the fun begins…and the exorcisms.

 Addendum:  So, it all comes back to the Evil Teeth.  I had a brainstorm, and looked inside my poor boy’s mouth, only to find gums so swollen they look like blisters.  I gave him Motrin, and 20 minutes later, my no-longer-evil boy climbed onto my lap, rubbed my arms (no digging this time) and started to yawn.  He’s sleeping peacefully as I type.  Who knew?  Exorcisms come in medicine bottles.

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2 responses

  1. That was a funny read! I’m sure it’s so NOT funny to you. It only gets worse, at least for a while 😉 I have a little climber, jump-on-the-furniture (jump-on-anything, really!!) little devil, too. She even managed to climb on, and fall over, the gate we had up to keep her out of the kitchen when she was little. Fearless little trouble-makers!

    May 14, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  2. Exorcisms also come in the Benedryl bottle! 😉

    May 15, 2008 at 1:49 pm

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