A Phoenix Burning

Evil Teeth

So, my Sweet Baby Boy is getting teeth.  I should say MORE teeth.  He has 12 already.  Why, oh, why do children (and their parents) face this torture?  He was up four times last night…screaming…so I was up four times last night….wanting to scream.

One wake up, I can take with grace.  Two wake-ups and my blood pressure begins to rise.  More than that, and I have a confession.  I turn into evil Mommy.  I am at my worst at night.  I hate to be woken up.  And when I’m woken up several times, the very worst words are vomited from my mouth.  I spew all my venom at the monitor…saying words one should never say.  Nasty swear words that should not come out of a Mommy’s mouth…and I fling back the covers, and stomp out of my room into the hallway. 

But then, all my evil-ness spewed, I quietly approach my child’s room, gently open the door, and coo to my darling Boy, “Mama’s here…it’s okay.  What’s the matter?”  and snuggle him in tight.  One smell of my child’s head and the touch of his tiny fingers turns me back into the pure, sweet Mommy I’m supposed to be. 

I know it isn’t right, but I suppose I would rather have the monitor and my husband hear my frustration, and not my child.  I used to fight it, and would find myself still ticking when I’d pick up my darling babies.  Now, I just let it all out in the safety of my room, and can cuddle my children with a calm heart through the wee hours. 

I envy those mothers who are never rattled.  You know the ones…heck, maybe you ARE one!  Always calm, always patient, always nurturing, kind, and beautiful.  I aspire to be that, but fall short, especially in the darkness of the enveloping night.  I will never claim to be calm…but my children know they are loved every minute of the day…and night.  They will never know that I spoke obscenities at their monitors, but they will know that I hugged them, and rocked them, and kissed them, and fed them and changed them, and loved them…and it is when I am most frustrated that I find myself thanking God the most, because I know there will come a day, not too far from now, when I would give anything to be woken up at night by a crying baby. 

This wasn’t meant to be a Mother’s Day post, but I guess it lends itself quite naturally to being one.  So to all you Mothers out there…the calm, the frazzled, and all those in between, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.  May all your days (and nights!) be blessed.


8 responses

  1. Great post, KD. I totally “get” you. I, too, was never a nice Mommy in the middle of the night. Thankfully, my better half never minded the middle of the night frets, so he usually got up (at least first) with mini-DD.

    While our son has always been a “good sleeper” and didn’t require many nights of comforting from illness (thank God), Mr. D was usually the one to get up and see what was the matter. I must shamefully say that my lack of patience and aggravation in the middle of the night just did not lend itself to producing any kind of good situation. I’m 200% in the daytime, but the nights…not so much.

    My son does know that he is my precious boy and will always be. I tell him that even when he’s 60 and I’m 87 (I’m optimistic like dat), I’ll still be fixing his hair and asking him if he brushed his teeth and telling him “Your Mamma loves you!” 🙂

    I know the perfect mother types that you are speaking of but I refuse to say that they love their children any more than I love mine. Organization and activities do not a mother make. Understanding and love during tough times, outward pride and love even when accomplishments aren’t stacked up and accepting a child for who he/she is….that is Motherhood.

    Besides, you cannot choose your mother….so he’s stuck. Heh.

    May 9, 2008 at 10:30 am

  2. Keeping my fingers crossed that tonight will be better than the last!
    Happy Mother’s Day to you, too!

    May 9, 2008 at 12:26 pm

  3. Those where the nights I remember heqring my mother say “Laudanum should never been outlawed.” I kid, I kid. But I believe more people are like you than you think. Besides, those calm, cool collected mothers are probably having sordid affairs with tennis pros.”

    May 9, 2008 at 12:54 pm

  4. Yeah, I don’t believe all those calm, cool, collected mothers are as perfect as they appear to be. I remember the days that I would be in tears myself when I would hear one of my babies waking up in the middle of the night. I believe the best moms are moms who raise their children to be strong, well-adjusted individuals, secure in who they are and secure in the knowledge that they are loved. That’s what I hope I am doing, anyway!
    Happy Mother’s Day to you too!

    May 9, 2008 at 6:01 pm

  5. Sordid affairs with tennis pros!! LOL

    DD…you and I are very alike, aren’t we then? 😉

    You know, when I was teaching in a special education self-contained classroom, I saw a lot of families in a lot of different situations, as you can imagine. I always noted that the children who knew they were loved, no matter how dire their family circumstances, were the ones who would be okay in the long run. The others, I worried about tremendously.

    Two Moms stand out to me in particular…both Moms were quite limited, both having come through the special education system themselves. Both worked, but needed public assistance to get by. One was raising a family of six with her husband, one had just one child with her husband. These two women were amazing to me. Despite their circumstances and struggles, these women NEVER missed a parent-teacher conference. They NEVER missed a school function. They answered phone calls and notes home immediately, despite the challenges. (One had to have her children read the notes to her…one didn’t have a phone…she would contact me from a neighbor’s house.)
    In contrast, I had students whose parents needed to be threatened with police escorted home visits in order to get them in for a conference…some needed notes sent home by certified mail with threats that if they didn’t respond within 24 hours, there would be a police and CPS escorted home visit. Some required unannounced home visits since the threat of them sent them packing for a neighboring town.
    I have had the pleasure (or regret) of seeing what has become of many of these children as they’ve grown into adulthood. Those kids who knew they were loved have become productive decent human beings, not without challenges of their own, but good people. Those that did not….sadly did not.

    Love goes a long way, doesn’t it? And as I said, my children know they are loved to the core of their being, and I bank on that being the thing that outweighs all my other motherly flaws. 🙂

    May 10, 2008 at 8:07 am

  6. Renae

    Hi ya KD!
    OMG, you mean you curse into the monitor??? What other unspeakable horrors do you bestow upon your poor family? I bet you add walnuts to your chocolate chip cookies. You monster!
    I kid. This was a great post KD. Thank you for sharing. I too have envy of the Mothers With Unruffled Feathers Club. But I try to let that go. It’s just not fair to my kids or myself. I do believe we are own worst critics.

    Hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!

    May 12, 2008 at 9:02 am

  7. Renae is here! Yay!! 🙂
    Y’all make me feel so much better about my mothering. Thank you!

    May 12, 2008 at 9:31 am

  8. Pingback: The Terror of the House « A Half Hour a Day

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