So, my Sweet Baby Boy is getting teeth. I should say MORE teeth. He has 12 already. Why, oh, why do children (and their parents) face this torture? He was up four times last night…screaming…so I was up four times last night….wanting to scream.
One wake up, I can take with grace. Two wake-ups and my blood pressure begins to rise. More than that, and I have a confession. I turn into evil Mommy. I am at my worst at night. I hate to be woken up. And when I’m woken up several times, the very worst words are vomited from my mouth. I spew all my venom at the monitor…saying words one should never say. Nasty swear words that should not come out of a Mommy’s mouth…and I fling back the covers, and stomp out of my room into the hallway.
But then, all my evil-ness spewed, I quietly approach my child’s room, gently open the door, and coo to my darling Boy, “Mama’s here…it’s okay. What’s the matter?” and snuggle him in tight. One smell of my child’s head and the touch of his tiny fingers turns me back into the pure, sweet Mommy I’m supposed to be.
I know it isn’t right, but I suppose I would rather have the monitor and my husband hear my frustration, and not my child. I used to fight it, and would find myself still ticking when I’d pick up my darling babies. Now, I just let it all out in the safety of my room, and can cuddle my children with a calm heart through the wee hours.
I envy those mothers who are never rattled. You know the ones…heck, maybe you ARE one! Always calm, always patient, always nurturing, kind, and beautiful. I aspire to be that, but fall short, especially in the darkness of the enveloping night. I will never claim to be calm…but my children know they are loved every minute of the day…and night. They will never know that I spoke obscenities at their monitors, but they will know that I hugged them, and rocked them, and kissed them, and fed them and changed them, and loved them…and it is when I am most frustrated that I find myself thanking God the most, because I know there will come a day, not too far from now, when I would give anything to be woken up at night by a crying baby.
This wasn’t meant to be a Mother’s Day post, but I guess it lends itself quite naturally to being one. So to all you Mothers out there…the calm, the frazzled, and all those in between, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. May all your days (and nights!) be blessed.