My Memiere is transitioning from this life to the next.
It is a long, slow, painful process, not just for her, but for all of us who love her.
She has not been well for months, years really. We have expected this before, but each time she has been on the brink of crossing over, she has clawed her way back to the land of the living. This time is different. Her body simply cannot go on. She is in Stage “6″ Renal failure….which isn’t even a stage. Stage 5 is the last stage according to the books, yet somehow she has defied the definitions. But now, she is transitioning. She has one foot here and one foot there…the “space in between.” Not quite here anymore, but not quite there, in and out of lucidity, unable to communicate effectively. She is aware, and yet not. It is difficult to explain. At times she looks at you, at times she looks through you and I wish I could see what she see when she does. It is as though she is looking beyond the “here” into the “there.” It’s as though if I reached out to where she is looking, I might be able to touch my Pepiere, the one I hope she’s seeing.
I will miss her excruciatingly when she goes, and yet I hope her passing comes sooner than later. Watching her suffer is much worse than watching her fly free of this body that has turned traitor.
I unexpectedly came across this today. I shared it long ago, and somehow I think it was “placed” in front of me just when I needed to see it.